she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
