Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
