i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
