how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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