ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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