I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
