my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
