I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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