Umm I'm too high to move.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
