I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
