Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
