I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize