Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize