I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
