I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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