Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
