I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
