Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
