Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
