this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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