Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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