Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
