he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
