My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
