turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
