you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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