please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
