OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
