So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize