we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize