NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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