hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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