they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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