So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize