So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
