.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
