we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize