She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
