I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
