what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
