it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
