"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
