Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize