My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
