I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
