i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he was CRYING into my vagina
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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