I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
