His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He did a backflip because drugs
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