My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
