we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
