Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
