So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
