I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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