tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize