Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
