I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
