im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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