Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
