Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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