Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
