people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
