ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
