Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
